I learned the hard way about the complexities of saying merci.

In France, when someone offers you something to eat or drink, it is considered ever-so-slightly impolite to say “Non, merci” if you don’t want any. The non part, although not grammatically incorrect, grates a bit for some reason.

So how do you politely refuse that chocolate éclair? Just by saying merci or thank you --but without the non part.

Of course this isn’t that much of a problem if you don’t want to eat something; you won’t cause an outrage in France by saying non, merci, and at least it’s clear.

The problem is, enthusiastic Americans who really want to eat their cake may well forget to say OUI, merci – and, as a result, sadly see the tray of pastries pass them by just as they were thanking their host for the delicious offer.

For that matter, even “Oui, merci” is not that common as a way to accept a drink or food in France. An expression like “Oui, je veux bien”, which can be roughly translated as “Yes, I’d love some,” is heard at least as often.

French is also full of indirect expressions. For example, perhaps the most frequent reply when you are offered a second glass of wine and do want to take a few more sips is “Je ne dis pas non,” or, literally, “I don’t say no.”

And if you think using “yes” and “no” is complicated in French, check out the subtleties in Chinese.

Betty Carlson

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